I will keep the change
Since the middle of January, my life has become pretty unpredictable. This is ironic since, ya know, I am psychic and all. Amidst this chaos, the idea and feeling of hope remains with me. I am always hopeful that the universe will rescue me, pull me back into the flow, and provide for and comfort me. I never give up this hope because it protects my faith and, therefore, my blessings that are to soon to come.
In January, I left my professional job without another lined up (a story in and of itself that shall be told some other time. Just know this is the same job where my employees' deceased loved ones were reaching out.. so obviously mystical occurrences intensely increased.) I realized that this was not a good resume for myself, so I stayed at home to work on myself holistically. I got to the point to where I was reading so much that I could no longer comprehend, much less retain, any more ideas and advice about mediumship or psychic development. My brain was fuzzy, and my hand hurt from writing so much. Because of this, I felt it was right time to look for a suitable job, and it HAD to be the right one-- one that I could make money to start my own spiritual practice but also a job that I could just be mechanical with, so I could use my brain for psychic abilities instead of hardcore logical interactions on a merely physical plane. (BTW, I found the right job, and I love it. I am working, hence this blog set up!)
The point of my disclosure was that God wanted me to focus, but while staying home, not many things were changing during a time of transition. I reverted to old habits and back to a toxic, worn-out relationship. I became pregnant, and decided to keep the presumed child-to-be. I compromised my own authentic self for the life of another being and chose to continue a miserable life with its fertilizer (father).
But that was not God's plan. During an ultrasound, I learned that there was no life in the womb-- the medical term is a blighted ovum. There was nothing but a pregnancy sac. I knew this pregnancy was different from the first, so much that I thought I had twins! Instead, I carried nothing. No life nor future for this imaginary fetus, but what was in my future was a miscarriage. After I had several hours of labor at a hospital, they sent me home where I would pass the lifeless remains. I'll never forget its exit or appearance.
God told me that I was not ready for the kind of changes that pregnancy brings. He told me that I am, however, now anointed for the changes that He needs me to make and the work that He has guided me to do. This very much includes writing! How fantastic because this entry just came write off the tips of my fingers.
My angels remain with me. They were with me as I was in the hospital. The nurse who discharged me came in the room and said, "Oh, I thought you had people with you. Where did everybody go?" I just wonder, how many angels were with me?! That was an amazing experience despite the circumstances and details. Anyway, God has shown me that this is my time to grow! In His brilliant way, God showed me that trust and faith is the only way. Human free will is a Godly gift so that we have control of our minds, but God politely and humbly is here to tell us that the universe is in control of everything else.
Our jobs are to take care of the way we think because thoughts carry their own energy. When this thought energy comes into contact with the cosmic and ultimate force, reactions are created immediately: we either manifest or block what we want. We either choose to listen or not to, or we literally go with the flow and fall right into whatever level of vibration that the universe has set up for us. Whatever we choose in the energy of choice is what we will receive in the exact same degree. We can't sever God's plan, even with our choices, but our job is to welcome the divinely guided plans so God can know that we are ready to receive.
